Broken Phone #2

[Don Wiggins <dwiggins@BFSEC.BT.CO.UK>]

After much delay, here is the result of round 2 of Broken Phone.

| 1.  Paulo          barreto%velahf@eccsa.tr.unisys.com

Here's my analysis of the spofu fonxa text I sent you. The original is
in Latin, not Portuguese (I see Nick understands Latin too, so he'll
probably find it interesting).

[Latin (from Virgil's Eclogue #1)]
Tityre, tu patulae recubans sub tegmine fagi
silvestrem tenui Musam meditaris avena;
nos patriae finis et dulcia linquimus arva.
nos patriam fugimus; tu, Tityre, lentus in umbra
formosam resonare doces Amaryllida silvas.

[English (by Guy Lee)]
Tityrus, lying back beneath wide beechen cover,
You medi[t]ate the woodland Muse on slender oat;
We leave the boundaries and sweet ploughlands of home.
We flee our homeland; you, Tityrus, cool in shade,
Are teaching woods to echo lovely Amaryllis.

[Lojban]
doi tityrus. .i .uasai do vreta ga'unai le gacri pe le ganra tricrfago
gi'e larcu tercabra lenu kelci le ricfoi cridrmusa kei le cinla flani
.i .oicai mi'a le selxabju tergugde .e le titla purdi cu cliva
.i mi'a le selxabju cu rivbi sutcliva .i do doi tityrus. noi nalkurji
va le ctino cu ctuca lei ricfoi fi lenu sance minra la poi melbi
.amarilis. kei .i li'osa'a

| 2.  Don            dwiggins@bfsec.bt.co.uk

Titerus!  >That< is you lying not above the cover of broad beech trees and
artfully controlling the playing with the forest Muses using a thin flute.
Damn!  We, from the home land and the sugar fields, are leaving.  We, from the
houses, are fleeing; you, Titerus, who does not care, there in the shade,
teach the forests the echo of Amarili the Beautiful. [...]

| 3.  Nick           nnich@leon.nrcps.ariadne-t.gr

doi TIterus. cai ba'e do vreta ni'a le gacri no'u lei ganra tricrbitci.
gi'e larcu zgipli lo cinla flani ca'o lenu do se kansa lei larcycrida
pe le ricfoi .i mi'a petu'i le jbena gugde kujoi le sakta foldi cu .o'onai
cliva .i mi'a petu'i lei zdadinju cu rivbi sutra .icabo do doi TIterus.
noi na'e dunku la'edi'u cu ctuca vi le va ctino lei ricfoi le minrysance
be la noi melbi. .amarilix.

| 4.  Cyril          slobin@FEAST.FE.MSK.RU

o tITERUS! |TO TY LEVI[X POD SENX@ [IROKIH BUKOW I ISKUSNO IGRAE[X NA
TONKOJ FLEJTE POD AKKOMPANIMENT ISKUSNYH \LXFOW LESOW. mY POKIDAEM
RODNYE STRANY I SAHARNYE POLQ. mY SPE[IM IZBEGNUTX RODNOGO DOMA. a W \TO
WREMQ TY, tITERUS, NE OGOR^ENNYJ \TIM, ZDESX W TENI OBU^AE[X LESA \HU
GOLOSA aMARILLIS pREKRASNOJ.

O Titerus! Eto ty lejish' pod sen'iu shirokih bukov i iskusno igraesh' na
tonkoi fleite pod akkompaniment iskusnyh el'fov lesov. My pokidaem
rodnye strany i saharnye polia. My speshim izbegnut' rodnogo doma. A v eto
vremia ty, Titerus, ne ogorchennyi etim, zdes' v teni obuchaesh' lesa ehu
golosa Amarillis Prekrasnoi.

| 5.  Ivan           IAD@BGEARN.BITNET

doi titerus.
ba'e do vreta ni'a lei selti'o ke ganra cindrfagu
gi'e certu selsanri'a lo cinla flani
fi'o tigvipsi loi certu ke ricfoi crida
.i mi'a cliva lei veljbe gugde .e lei sakta foldi
.i mi'a sutro'i co rivbi le veljbe zdani
.isi'anai cabo do doi titerus. do'u noi na badri la'edi'u
vi le ctino vi ctuca lei ricfoi
fi le te minra be le voksa be la .amarilis. poi mlerai

| 6.  Iain           I.Alexander@bra0125.wins.icl.co.uk

Titerus, you yourself lie beneath the shady, broad beeches
and expertly play a thin flute accompanied by skilful wood elves.
We are leaving our native country and the sugar fields.
We skip past our natal home.
But at the same time you, Titerus, who don't grieve for this,
in the shade here teach the woods the reflection of the voice
of fairest Amarillis.

| 7.  Goran          topic@STUDENT.MATH.HR
|       | lojban
| 8.  Chris          cbogart@netcom.com

Titerus, you lie in the shade of the beech tree, and expertly play your
narrow flute along with the talented faeries of the forest.  I leave my
homeland, and the fields of sugar cane; I am leaving home.  But now,
Titerus, unmoved by my departure, you sit in the shade and teach the forest
about those who hear the echoes of the voice of the beautiful Amarilis.

| 9.  And            ucleaar@ucl.ac.uk

Doi titerus, do ca ge vreta dio lei ctino be lei tricu be lai fagus gi
ge certu gi ve se nunzgike vau da se pio lei po do ge jarki gi flani fio
kansa le ge stati gi ridxabju be lei sortricu i mi klama fi le zdague
be mi e le foldi be loi ge stani gi se sakta i vahi mi cao zdalia i kui
ca ku doi titerus do ge ca bo nartercni le muflia be mi gi ge zutse dio
lei ctino gi ctuca lei sortricu fo lei tirna be le selmirsna be lei
voksa be lei melbi pou lai amarilis

| 11. Jorge          jorge@INTERMEDIA.COM.AR

O Titerus, you lie in the shades of the beeches, skillfully playing your
narrow flute, accompanied by the talented fairies of the woods. I come
from my homeland of fields of cane and sugar -- I'm running away. But now,
Titerus, you don't care that I leave, you sit in the shades teaching
the woods about those who can hear the echoes of the voices of the
beautiful daffodils.


And a translation to metred verse:

ni'o ca lenu doi tityrus. do survre
.uecai ni'a pa lo ganra tricrfagu
kei sepi'o lo clacinla ke lanku'i
flani do cu larcu senva lo'e ricfoi
cridrmusa .i .oi lo selplixa purdi
.e lo korbi vu'ope lovo'e zdani
cu se cliva mi'a .i lovo'e gugde
mi'a se sutli'a .i vilo solti'o
do doi tityrus. lo ricfoi ca'o ctuca
folo snavelminra bela .amarilis.


[Analysis]
>doi tityrus.
This corresponds exactly to the latin vocative "Tityre". I chose this
form of the name because it preserves orthography and stress, though
not the precise sound.

>.i .uasai
As Meliboeus says some verses after, he is amazed to see Tityrus
playing the flute when all people is fleeing (the dialog probably
occurs during the Roman Civil War).

>do vreta ga'unai le gacri pe le ganra tricrfago
"tricrfago" was inspired on latin "fagus" (beech tree). Following
Nick Nicholas, I used the ablative "fago".

>gi'e larcu tercabra lenu kelci le ricfoi zgike kei le cinla flani
I used "gi'e" because of the tense sequence ("...lying back...
...you meditate..."). Perhaps something like ".ibo" would render the
original meaning more faithfully.
Finding a suitable equivalent of "meditate the woodland Muse on slender
oat" was a true challenge. I decided for "larcu tercabra" based on
meaning: to artistically control a thin flute for the function of
playing the forest music. "Thinking the Muse" ("nu pensi le cridrmusa"
instead of "nu kelci le ricfoi zgike") would be more poetic but also
disguising, in my (current) opinion.

>.i .oicai
Well, he's being compelled to leave the homeland...

>mi'a le selxabju tergugde .e le titla purdi cu cliva
I'm not sure if it is acceptable to translate "sweet" to "titla".

>.i mi'a le selxabju cu rivbi sutcliva
Actually, I would prefer a specific word for "flee".

>.i do doi tityrus. noi nalkurji va le ctino
Hmm, this one was the worst. "Lentus in umbra" is easy to turn into
Portuguese ("indolente `a sombra"); the English version seemed
cryptical for me at first sight. Then I thought of "nalkurji va le
ctino". Now I think it would be better to choose "lazni" or the like.

>cu ctuca lei ricfoi fi lenu sance minra la poi melbi .amarilis. kei
Any suggestion for "echo" other than "sance minra"? As you can notice,
I'm already using one of John's recent change proposals (#37?) in
"la poi melbi .amarilis."

>.i li'osa'a
OK, we're done (but not the Eclogue).



doi TIterus. cai ba'e do vreta ni'a le gacri no'u lei ganra tricrbitci.
gi'e larcu zgipli lo cinla flani ca'o lenu do se kansa lei larcycrida
pe le ricfoi .i mi'a petu'i le jbena gugde kujoi le sakta foldi cu .o'onai
cliva .i mi'a petu'i lei zdadinju cu rivbi sutra .icabo do doi TIterus.
noi na'e dunku la'edi'u cu ctuca vi le va ctino lei ricfoi le minrysance
be la noi melbi. .amarilix.

> le gacri no'u lei ganra tricrbitci.
"the thing I describe as a cover, which incidentally is the same thing
as the mass I describe as broad beech trees (pause)"

Not bad. I only don't understand how "le" became "lei": the "mass of
broad beech trees" is indeed a single tree (in the original, "patulae
fagi" instead of "patularum fagorum").

> gi'e larcu zgipli lo cinla flani ca'o lenu do se kansa lei larcycrida
> pe le ricfoi

Same comment on "le" and "lei". Here the idea is a bit different from
the original, as Tityrus does not plays the flute "accompanied" by the
Muse; he "meditates the Muse" (OK, my original "kelci le ricfoi zgike"
should really be "pensi le ricfoi larcycrida").

> .i mi'a petu'i le jbena gugde kujoi le sakta foldi cu .o'onai cliva

I don't know what "petu'i" means, but, well, I told you I was expecting
fields of sugar... :-)

> .i mi'a petu'i lei zdadinju cu rivbi sutra

Hmm, I understand "selxabju" to mean simply "habitat, home".
I don't know how it became "zdadinju". What do you say about that?

> .icabo do doi TIterus. noi na'e dunku la'edi'u cu ctuca vi le va ctino
> lei ricfoi le minrysance be la noi melbi. .amarilix.

Ah, ".icabo" is interesting! But "vi le va ctino" is obscure...


co'omi'e d,n.