Re: TEXT.REV: Beowulf

[C.J.Fine@BRADFORD.AC.UK]

I never made time to look at John's Beowulf the first time round - it's
a fine piece, but I have some comments still on this version.

>
> Fyrst forth gewat.              Flota waes on ythum
> Time on departed.               Floater was on waves
> le temci cu fasnu               .i le fulta be le boxna


Not convinced that a temci can fasnu, or what I would make of this if I came
to it cold: "The time interval was an event"?  How about 'zenba' or
'cfari'?

>
> bat under beorge.               Beornas gearwe
> boat under hill.                Men eager
> cu cnita le cmaca'a             .i le ribnau djica

'cnita' is glossed "Directly ... down from". 'dizlo fi?
'ribnau djica' is excellent.
>
> on stefn stigon.                Streamas wundon
> on prow strode.                 Currents rolled
> cu badydzu le lotcra            .i le flecu cu gu'orgau
>
> sund with sande.                Secgas baeron
> swimming [=sea] against sand.   Men bore
> le canre le se limna            .i le nanmu cu bevri
>
> on bearm nacan                  beorhte fraetwe
> into bosom of-boat              bright trappings
> fi le cutne be le bloti         fe le carmi taxfu
>
> guth-searo geatolic.            Guman ut scufon
> war-gear wellmade.              Men out thrust
> poi jamymai xagmau              .i le nanmu cu batcatke
>
> weras on wil-sith               wudu bundenne.
> adult-males on wish-journey     timber fastened.
> .i le nanmu pe le djinunkla     le mudri cu lasna
>
> Gewat tha ofer waeg-holm        winde gefysed
> Departed then over wave-sea     [by] wind urged
> .i ca cliva fi le bonxamsi      bai le brife

'bai' is good. Not sure I've ever seen it used before.

>
> flota famig-heals               fugle gelicost,
> floater foamy-neck              to-bird most-like
> fa le fulta fomcnebo            poi smirai lo cipni

'noi', surely?

>
> oththaet ymb an-tid             othres dogres
> until after due-time            of-second day
> .ipu'obo ba le ra'artei         pe le remoi djedi

TO me 'ipu'obo' means "Beforehand..." I'm still confused about ZAhO in
other than sumti tcita position.
I'm not sure about 'srana': 'mapti'?
>
> wunden-stefna                   gewaden haefde,
> curved-prow                     advanced had,
> le selkruvi lotcra              cu crane klama
>
> thaet tha lithende              land gesawon
> that these voyagers             land saw
> .ije le litru                   le tumla cu viska
>
> brim-clifu blican               beorgas steape,
> surf-cliffs gleaming            hills steep,
> .i xaskoi sraca'a tergusni      .i cmaca'a badysalpo

'badysalop' presumably for 'salpo be lo barda', but that's not what it
suggests to me. I can't think of a better lujvo though.
>
> side sae-naessas.               Tha waes sund-lidan
> long sea-capes.                 then it-was for-sea-voyager [=boat]
> .i clani cfine                  .icabo le xasxelklama
>
> eoletes aet ended.              Thanon up hrathe
> of-waterway[?] at end.          Thence up quickly
> le jacplu cu fanmo              .ito'obo fi'o sutra

I don't see that the xasxelklama is a fanmo, but I'm not sure what part it
is playing in the sentence. How about:
                        ".icabo le xasxelklama
jacplu cu se fanmo"

More important, the one clear error in the piece:
                                .ito'obo fi'o sutra KU

otherwise the fi'o sutra swallows the Wether geats.
I like .ito'obo very much (though I had to look it up!)

>
> Wedera leode                    on wang stigon,
> Wederish people                 on plain strode,
> le la .uederas. prenu           le pitytu'a cu badydzu

I don't like "le la .uederas. prenu" because that means
"le prenu pe la .uederas.", and I think it's rather
"le prenu po'u la .uederas."
" le mela ..." might do it?

>
> sae-wudu saeldon.               Syrcan hrysedon
> sea-timber roped.               Shirts rattled
> .i le xasymudri cu se skola'a   .i le creka cu se sance
>
> guth-gewaedo.                   Gode thancedon
> war-raiment.                    God thanked
> .i jamna taxfu                  .i fe le cevni cu ckire

I don't like "jamna taxfu" as a separate sentence. How about

                ".i le creka noi se sance
cu jamna taxfu"
>
> thaesthe him yth-lade           eathe wurdon.
> that for-them wave-passage      easy proved.
> le nu le nanmu le bo'arnunkla   cu se frili
>
>

        Colin